The other day I was driving my car and just started screaming.

Sometimes I feel like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show. Sometimes I think there is no possible way that the world could be this much of a fucking bitch unless I was secretly being taped for a massive psychological experiment reality show that would later pay me millions of dollars for having tortured me for so many years.

Recently, I was driving my car and suddenly started screaming. My brain was entirely unaware it had decided to do this. Yet I screamed and screamed, louder and longer until my throat was dry and I felt satisfied that the world knew what a fucking asshole it was being.

Because what the fuck is up with the world right now? Right and wrong and sanity and fairness and everything good in life is going to shit, and the epicenter of all this shit is Tucson and my life.

It must be my fault. The first mistake I made was not deciding exactly what the fucking fuck I was going to do for the rest of my life the minute I graduated high school. They say college is a place where you are free to "explore" your "interests." No one tells you the truth - the more you explore, the more you are punished. Apparently, splitting your efforts between two unrelated majors does not translate as "well-rounded" when applying for grad school - it translates as "uncommitted."

Which all results in my being rejected from grad school at my own alma fucking mater for not making up my mind soon enough. Fuck me for exploring my interests. Fuck me for taking a risk on something and finding out it wasn't for me. Fuck me for trying to go back and take another path. And fuck me for getting less than a 4.0, because grad school is no place for all those idiots with a 3.7.

Also, fuck me for borrowing 30 grand in student loans for a degree that couldn't ensure me a position at a gas station. Last year I was in an intense and challenging grad school program; last week I went on an interview at Starbucks. I sold the living shit out of myself for minimum wage, cleaning toilets, and ensuring that all the doctors and lawyers and accountants and real estate agents and fucking everyone else who decided at age 18 exactly what the fuck they wanted to be will ENJOY A DISGUSTING CUP OF SHITTY OVERPRICED "COFFEE."

For the time being, you can either find me behind the counter at Starbucks or in the parking lot screaming in my car. Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.